Waging War

The last couple of days have brought in a nasty feeling in my stomach that likes to say hello every few weeks, along with a full-fledged cold, which is uncomfortable, to say the least. There's nothing like breathing for two days and nights out of one side of your nose while the other side is completely blocked by something that you don't really want to get a closer look at. This morning, as I was wallowing in my self-pity, a thought hit me, and I began to journal. The following is what came out.

***

I am grateful for sickness because it reminds me that I am weak and fragile, mortal and finite. Limited.
I am grateful when medicines don't work because it reminds me that Christ is the One who gives me strength and on my own I am nothing.
I am grateful when sickness is prolonged because it builds in me endurance.

I am grateful for sleepless nights because it teaches me patience. 

I am grateful for the unpleasantness because it makes me appreciate being well.
I am grateful for nightmares because they show me my fear and make me run to the only One who can truly protect me.

***

(Before continuing my journal entry, I wanted to share a piece of Kyle's blog that has impacted me and was on my mind as I wrote...)

Punctuations are so unimportant that most languages did not develop them until just a few hundred years ago. It’s the last thing you actually need to make a sentence function. 

Is “Lord” just the comma to sloppily organized sentences in your prayers? Do you actually need Him in order to function in holiness or is His name just the spice to your carefully concocted prayer-recipe? Brothers and Sisters… be careful when you throw around the name “Lord.” Since when you do you submit yourself to a higher authority. When you recognize that you are not lord, but that God is, you are proclaiming that you must step down from the throne of your own heart, becoming a subject of the true Lord, allowing Him to take over, to reign unchallenged to do whatever He wishes in your life with no opposition from you.

                        He says:

                                    “My NAME is The Lord! That is my NAME!

                                                My glory I will give to no other,

                                                nor my praise to carved idols.”

Is. 42:8

... When you call Him Lord you communicate to Him that you are waging war on everything else vying for that place in your life.

***

When I call You "God" and "Lord" I want to believe that what I am calling You is true of You. I want to be in awe of Your holiness as much as I can bear. At the same time I want to experientially know Your love and the miracle of Your friendship. I want to be in You and of You. I want to have the courage to lay my life down for You. My life is Yours. I have surrendered it to You. 

My life is Yours. I have surrendered it to You. What a radical and dangerous proclamation that is in the paradigm of this life! How foolish it is in the paradigm of this world! To seek first the Kingdom of God, not the Kingdom of Style. Not the Kingdom of Friends. Not the Kingdom of Happy or the Kingdom of Comfort. Yes, I will praise Him for every friend, for every comfort, and for every happiness, but I must also learn to praise Him for every sickness, every long night, and every painful blow to my proud shell. Do I do this? Not often. I like my shell. But Jesus is not proud - He is jealous for His people and for His Name. Maybe He is jealous for his people because He is jealous for His Name. Maybe He wants to consume every part of us in His love, and make us holy as He is holy that we might look on Him and worship.

I have been blessed, but not for the sake of the blessing. I'm sure God delights in giving good things to His children, but if we care more about the gifts than about the Lover who gave them, something has gone wrong.

Psalm 49:18-20

       "For though, while he lives, he counts himself blessed -- and though you get praise when you do well for yourself -- his soul will go to the generation of his fathers, who will never again see light. Man in his pomp yet without understanding is like the beasts that perish."

Thank You for blessings to enjoy, and thank You for the fire that burns and refines. Please give me the faith to believe that You in all Your glory are worth all of my life. 

Snow Day In Christchurch

I woke up today to my first white July. Actually, my first white anything. It is amazing how beautiful things can be when there is a fresh layer of snow gently sitting on them. After staring at the backyard through the window for a while and eating our french toast, Emily and I decided to go to the park and try our hands at making a snowman. It took a little while to pile on the layers of socks, boots, gloves, coats, scarves and hats, but you can believe that we were both nice and toasty... except for the bits that snuck down our necks and into our boots. Now, you have to understand, snow in Christchurch is not as common a thing as you might think, so both of us were amateurs... but by the end we were feeling much more confident in our snowman-making skills. Here's a picture of our finished product, lovingly named Gus.

It was a very peaceful morning, aside from the cracking thunder that interrupted our snow-rolling. It must have run away from it's lightning, because it we never saw it strike, which made Emily think it might be a collapsing building. Luckily it wasn't.

The lazy snow day was a nice break after the amount of traveling I've done over the last two weeks. It started with a trip to Auckland with the Petrini family for the school holidays, which started last week and continue through the end of this week. We had a great time visiting all of the sights, including Sky Tower (which I endearingly and accidentally nicknamed The Space Needle), Rangitoto Island, Kelly Tarton's Antarctic Center (penguins!), Rainbow's End (the only theme park in New Zealand), and Matamata (the town now better known as Hobbiton). 

The view of Auckland from the top of Sky Tower

The Petrini girls and I at Rainbow's End

At the top of the crater of Rangitoto

It was a really fun week, and I loved Auckland. The day after we got back, I left again for youth camp up in Hanmer Springs (pronounced "Henma"... just switch the vowels around and you'll be good to go). We visited the hot springs that Hanmer is famous for, which was great except for the part where you have to get out of the water. Brrrrrrrrrrrrr! My toes definitely went numb in the first 5 minutes. It was fun, but I'm glad to be back at Robyn and Eric's place where there are heaters and electric blankets... and snow!

Speechless

-- A moment that took 75 years to make --

"You know, we serve a great God... He is so incredibly beautiful and good, and really is worthy of everything we can give. He completely deserves every sacrifice. He is so worth it..."

These are the words of an old man - a husband, a missionary, a pastor, and the father of a pastor... an old man in a wheelchair. An old man with a speech impediment. An old man named Cuth. I stood there, wishing words would come, while he couldn't seem to say enough. And why? Oh, no reason. "Hi, my name is Cuth, what's yours? It's sure nice to meet you. You know, we serve a great God..."

Cue peacejoyinspirationandconviction.

What an interesting sense of humor God has. This man with a speech impediment had left me speechless.

Fish 'n Chips 'n India

I've discovered the hidden wonder of this thing called fish and chips. For the longest time (meaning the last week and a half) I've heard the words "fish and chips" as if it's the newest thing since Starbucks, but I still hadn't eaten them. Of course we have fish and chips, or something called that, in America, but here in New Zealand... well you'd just have to taste them for yourself. It's the funniest thing, they fry up all this random stuff, like crab, sausage, chips* and, well, fish, throw it all onto a stack of paper, wrap it up, and hand it to you. Then you open the sack of deep-fried deliciousness on the table (or wherever you happen to be), and everyone diggs in. A community plate. Don't forget the tomato sauce*.

It's been a fairly laid-back week of some administrative jobs in the office and lots of reading at home. I've made it through one and a half books so far, plus or minus a few pages, and with a cup of tea, life doesn't get much better. Yesterday the Petrini's took me up to Rakaia Gorge (pictures will have to come later, as my laptop is still in the shop). Unfortunately, it was rainy and pretty cold, but still a lot of fun.

On a more seious note, tonight I went to the Sunday night youth service (though not exclusive to youth) called Grow, where the associate pastor was speaking about his trip to India. For the second time this week I was moved by the story of God's mission being fulfilled around the world through ordinary people like me. Like you. As he showed pictures and videos of the streets of Bangladesh and Calcutta, I couldn't help but hope that I will be a part of that work - of spreading the gospel to the ends of the earth, as Jesus commands in Matthew 28. It might mean helping to bring clean water to the millions of people who drink from the sewer every day, or maybe helping to rescue women from the sex trafficking industry opperating all around the world - yes that includes the US - or maybe just singing about Jesus with a group of kids who are braver than I am, who have buried their own parents after the earth shook one day in January. There is so much hope out there, only truly found in the name of Jesus. Why debate each other over whether social justice or evangelism is more important? How can we do one and not the other? Why not surrender our hands to the furthering of the Kingdom of God? Why not our money, our feet, our breath?

I sure haven't. I want to. I want to want to.

Lord, use me.

*chips = french fries
*tomato sauce = ketchup

A Quiet Morning

Ok, so all of my mornings so far have been quiet. And I love it.

I've been fighting off a bit of a cold over the last couple of days, but it's not too bad. Luckily I don't start work at the church till tomorrow, so I've been able to just relax. On Saturday, the Petrini's took me to this adorable little cafe called She Chocolate, where we got some amazing chocolate drinks and truffles.

We then drove along the hills to Governor's Bay and Lyttelton, where I got a few shots of the amazing scenery and visited a farmer's market and flea market. I'd been in somewhat of a jet lag/weird/tired funk since I had arrived, and that trip helped wake me up a bit. 

 My computer screen decided to stop working yesterday... just went black and stayed that way. The rest of the computer seems to be working fine... I can hear skype start up when I restart my computer and all, but I just can't see any of it. Someone started talking to my on skype and I couldn't do anything about it, so if that was you and you think I hate you... I'm sorry. =) I have to start my hunt for an Apple store today, but I think my chances of finding one is slim, especially after so many buildings are either in pieces or no longer functional.

Speaking of earthquakes, there haven't been any since I arrived (aside from a 3-point-something the first morning, which I completely slept through). This could be a good or a bad sign, since I guess the last couple big ones happened after a lull. I actually think it'd be kind of exciting, but that's only because Eric and Robyn's house is extremely earthquake-safe... I certainly don't wish another big one on the rest of the city.

This is the second country I've visited roughly 6 months after a major earthquake... it's almost haunting how similar the destruction looks to Haiti, minus the extreme poverty. It's sad in a different sort of way, since I know the architecture here used to be beautiful, whereas Port-au-Prince... well, it's beauty was never really found in its buildings.