Waging War

The last couple of days have brought in a nasty feeling in my stomach that likes to say hello every few weeks, along with a full-fledged cold, which is uncomfortable, to say the least. There's nothing like breathing for two days and nights out of one side of your nose while the other side is completely blocked by something that you don't really want to get a closer look at. This morning, as I was wallowing in my self-pity, a thought hit me, and I began to journal. The following is what came out.

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I am grateful for sickness because it reminds me that I am weak and fragile, mortal and finite. Limited.
I am grateful when medicines don't work because it reminds me that Christ is the One who gives me strength and on my own I am nothing.
I am grateful when sickness is prolonged because it builds in me endurance.

I am grateful for sleepless nights because it teaches me patience. 

I am grateful for the unpleasantness because it makes me appreciate being well.
I am grateful for nightmares because they show me my fear and make me run to the only One who can truly protect me.

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(Before continuing my journal entry, I wanted to share a piece of Kyle's blog that has impacted me and was on my mind as I wrote...)

Punctuations are so unimportant that most languages did not develop them until just a few hundred years ago. It’s the last thing you actually need to make a sentence function. 

Is “Lord” just the comma to sloppily organized sentences in your prayers? Do you actually need Him in order to function in holiness or is His name just the spice to your carefully concocted prayer-recipe? Brothers and Sisters… be careful when you throw around the name “Lord.” Since when you do you submit yourself to a higher authority. When you recognize that you are not lord, but that God is, you are proclaiming that you must step down from the throne of your own heart, becoming a subject of the true Lord, allowing Him to take over, to reign unchallenged to do whatever He wishes in your life with no opposition from you.

                        He says:

                                    “My NAME is The Lord! That is my NAME!

                                                My glory I will give to no other,

                                                nor my praise to carved idols.”

Is. 42:8

... When you call Him Lord you communicate to Him that you are waging war on everything else vying for that place in your life.

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When I call You "God" and "Lord" I want to believe that what I am calling You is true of You. I want to be in awe of Your holiness as much as I can bear. At the same time I want to experientially know Your love and the miracle of Your friendship. I want to be in You and of You. I want to have the courage to lay my life down for You. My life is Yours. I have surrendered it to You. 

My life is Yours. I have surrendered it to You. What a radical and dangerous proclamation that is in the paradigm of this life! How foolish it is in the paradigm of this world! To seek first the Kingdom of God, not the Kingdom of Style. Not the Kingdom of Friends. Not the Kingdom of Happy or the Kingdom of Comfort. Yes, I will praise Him for every friend, for every comfort, and for every happiness, but I must also learn to praise Him for every sickness, every long night, and every painful blow to my proud shell. Do I do this? Not often. I like my shell. But Jesus is not proud - He is jealous for His people and for His Name. Maybe He is jealous for his people because He is jealous for His Name. Maybe He wants to consume every part of us in His love, and make us holy as He is holy that we might look on Him and worship.

I have been blessed, but not for the sake of the blessing. I'm sure God delights in giving good things to His children, but if we care more about the gifts than about the Lover who gave them, something has gone wrong.

Psalm 49:18-20

       "For though, while he lives, he counts himself blessed -- and though you get praise when you do well for yourself -- his soul will go to the generation of his fathers, who will never again see light. Man in his pomp yet without understanding is like the beasts that perish."

Thank You for blessings to enjoy, and thank You for the fire that burns and refines. Please give me the faith to believe that You in all Your glory are worth all of my life.