If Home Is Where The Heart Is...

It's weird that only a week ago I was up in the mountains of Newara Eliya. We've only been home for 3 days, but somehow the tea fields and elephants and little healing hearts already feel like a past life...

I was so adamant that this trip would be more than just a cool experience in my life, yet my gut reaction is to put it in it's own little compartment in the back of my mind to be accessed only when it is convenient... all in an effort to be present in the present. It's working, and it's almost too easy. The thought of diving back into all of the memories and emotions that filled my life just 4 days ago is overwhelming, yet I still want those weeks to invade my present and my future.

At the same time, I look at a picture or watch a video and suddenly, life in Sri Lanka seems more real than the life I've been thrown back into here in La Mirada. How do I reconcile being in two different worlds almost simultaneously? How do I function at full capacity when half of my heart is still over there?

And so begins my (least) favorite part about cross-cultural experiences... processing. If home is where the heart is, then, at least for the moment, I am homeless.

Day 40

I'll tell you one thing, I'm sure looking forward to sleeping in my bed tonight, especially after getting hardly any sleep in the London airport. And now, after the longest Saturday of our lives (literally... that time change was brutal), we are home.

What an amazing experience... I've left Sri Lanka with my mouth hanging wide open, in awe of the last 40 days that my team and I got to participate in. God is crazy.

I hope my mouth stays open, 'cause God isn't about to get tame.

Day 37

During one of our road trips we made bucket lists... so I thought I'd share a few of the items on mine.

Complete a triathlon
Become a baker
Memorize the gospel of John
Learn to play the harp
Get thrown in jail
Become a personal trainer
Meet Steven Curtis Chapman
Hear one of my songs on the radio

Making a bucket list made me realize how many "bucket list" items I've already done. Riding an elephant in the mountains of Sri Lanka, for instance.

Like a boss. :)

Day 36

Sitting with my second cup of tea in a beautiful house up in the mountains of Newara Eliya. It's freezing here, which is kind of crazy considering the weather we've had for the last five and a half weeks. This is the best tea I've had the whole trip I think. The lady hosting us at this house has been cooking for us and I have a sneaking suspicion that she is making something American for breakfast. This is a wonderful and much needed break to end our trip with. We've done so much traveling in the past few weeks, it's ridiculous... The pink bus has become our home, and we laugh about how we feel like a traveling performing group in some ways. Everywhere we go we are asked to sing, dance, and share testimonies. It has been awesome. I am so glad I came on this trip, and I'm so glad I am one of the leaders, even though it's been hard. I just hope I'll be able to process all of this well so that it doesn't become just a passing experience or distant memory.
I could easily stay here longer, if that was an option. Normally at this point on a trip like this, we'd be eager to go home, but this time I don't mind. Content is a good word to describe how I feel right now.

Day 31

Mark 4:20 ends the parable of the sower with the seed that falls on good soil, bearing fruit thirtyfold, sixtyfold, even a hundredfold. In the next section, Jesus says "Pay attention to what you hear: with the measure you use, it will be measured to you, and still more will be added to you. For to the one who has, more will be given, but from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away" (Mark 4:24-25). I think this is referring to gifts and opportunities... how fitting for what I've been thinking about lately. I'm in a pretty ideal place in life to get up and do anything, anywhere, but the temptation is to not develop a vision or take risks in pursuit of that dream.

Be Thou my vision... only You, nothing else. Your presence is my guiding light, for I know You are with me always.
Be Thou my wisdom as I sit, stand, and walk with You. You are my Father, and I am Your child. We are one, just as You are one with Jesus, Your Son. May his prayer in John 17 be true of me.
Be Thou my battle shield, my sword for the fight. You alone are what I take pride in, and what I find joy in. You are the safe place where my soul finds shelter and strength. Draw me closer to You as I find my power in You.
Riches I heed not, nor the empty praises of men. You are more than enough for me, now and always. You are the greatest reward. Would You alone be first in my heart, for I have been granted the King himself as my treasure.
High King of heaven, You have won my victory for me, now allow me to reach into Your dwelling place to see a glimpse of Your glory. No matter what happens, my heart is Yours, and Your heart is mine - would You stil be my vision, O Ruler of all.

If faithfulness means losing my life early, then so be it. If faithfulness means living a long life, then never let me grow tired of doing Your will.

Day 29

A week and a half left… really?

I have so much to process, so much to think about, and I don’t want to forget any of it. First things first though, I’ve been really neglecting spending time with Jesus, and that has been no bueno. It's cool to read about how Jesus himself took time alone to be with his Father in the midst of ministry... at least He had to be intentional about it too. 
I've started to read the gospel of Mark, mostly because I know I need to dwell on the words and actions of my Jesus, especially as it relates to spiritual warfare and healings. I know I need to be reminded of the power of the Holy Spirit in such a spiritually intense and dark place such as this. Hinduism is really crazy, and made me really uncomfortable when we came into such close contact with it in the North… maybe more about that later, but let me just say that I am so glad I serve One God who is all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-loving, creative, gracious and compassionate, fully just, fully holy and eternal. One God.

Day 28

Been thinking a lot about my future and my attitude towards it... the last year or so, I’ve lost all excitement for the future, and have gotten really discouraged about each possible choice or career path. But rather than focusing on the pressure to have a 10-year plan, and to take all the right steps to make that a reality, I think God first desires to re-capture my heart. I think He wants to re-ignite the passion to love and serve Him in each individual step, no matter if I see the purpose of the step or not. I think He wants to re-ignite the sense of adventure that comes with the unknown. I think He wants to re-ignite the excitement that comes from knowing that He has made me in a unique way for a unique purpose – one that I am already filling. I don’t think that we are made to fulfill one task or one event or one career that the rest of our lives are simply spent preparing for or looking back on. Though major accomplishments can bring a sense of fulfillment or purpose, they are not the proof of our purpose. Our God does not create beings of such detail and complexity simply so they can spend their short existence trying to prove themselves to Him. We don’t even need to prove our significance to ourselves if we believe that Jesus (aka God’s Son), of His own will, died for our sake. That God himself deemed us worthy of an eternal relationship with Him that He would suffer and die for. That our worth is not something that we earn, but something that was given to us by the One who dreamt us into existence for His glory. Oh yeah, did I mention that our lives are for His glory, and our suffering is for His glory, and our joy is for His glory, and our salvation is for His glory, and the death and resurrection of Jesus was for His glory, and the new heaven and new earth and our renewed bodies and eternal life will also be for His glory? Did I mention that God is the One that is most jealous when we try to withhold praise or claim that any of that glory should go to us?

Anyway, what does any of this have to do with my life or Sri Lanka? Well, I don’t expect that God is going to tell me what to do next. That would be cool, but I don’t think that’s how He usually works. What I do hope is that He would renew my excitement for the future and take away the fear. Not all the fear, perhaps, but the disabling kind. There must be a difference. Philippians 4 says to “be anxious about nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, make your requests known to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus our Lord”. It doesn’t say, “make your requests known to God and He will tell you which path to choose every single time”. God wants our relationship with Him to be one of dependence and trust. The dependence, whether we acknowledge it or not, is already there (try to remind your own lungs to breathe every 3 seconds for the rest of your life), but the trust must be practiced. Through that trust, in that dependence, there is peace. We know that God is God, and we are not, and that is good. My life is not my own, and I am ultimately not defined by my vocation, or even my ministry, though that may be how people choose to remember me. My life is Christ’s and my purpose has been determined by the same One who formed me in my mother’s womb and who drank the cup of God’s wrath on my behalf… for His glory. 

Day 27

We are up North, once again in Tamil country. This weekend has been absolutely exhausting! Actually, this whole week... I’m not sure I ever fully recovered from the trip to the East. As Uncle Joseph wisely said, “tiredness is temporary, but what we are learning is permanent”.

Later…

Wow, this has maybe been the best day so far, and it's only 2pm! The highlight was probably when I exchanged bracelets with the Lieutenant Colonel of the Sri Lankan Army. Let me explain. 

We left the hotel early this morning, stopping here and there for sight seeing purposes, and at military checkpoints where we had to show our passports. I also signed something that probably meant they could arrest us if they suspected anything fishy, which, I’m not going to lie, would be kind of exciting. 

To interrupt and give you a little bit of history… 3 years ago, Sri Lanka saw the end of a 30-year civil war between the Sinhalese and the Tamil people. This war took place mostly in the North (Tamil country, though suicide bombings took place all over the country), and because of this many Tamils migrated out of the country. What is left is a land that is dry, barren and war-torn. Only very slowly have the Tamil people begun to move back up North, re-building their homes and trying to create sustainable life once again. 3 years ago, it would be impossible to travel beyond the first military checkpoint, and even today it is difficult for natives to get through, let alone foreigners. However, our translators (Uncle Joseph and Auntie Josephine) have been building relationships with the people of the north, and were able to get special permission from the government to take us to this area of the country. Our purpose in going was to visit house churches, attend the larger service on Sunday, and experience a little bit of what life looks like in a post-war community in the meantime.

On our way to a house church, we went through the Army base. As we got off the bus, the Lieutenant Colonel greeted each of us and escorted us to his quarters. He talked with me as we walked, and I was surprised at how friendly and welcoming he was. At his home, we were each served a giant coconut to drink the milk out of! So cool. He told us about his work in the community, and it is evident that he leads by putting others first. I can only imagine the impact he could make if he knew Christ as His Lord and Savior. 

As we were thanking him and saying goodbye, he noticed my bracelet (from Thilini’s brother’s reconciliation movement in Sri Lanka), pointed to it, and asked if I wanted to exchange with his! So, I am now wearing his army green “Brave Hearts” bracelet, and he is wearing mine. No big deal.

We finally made it to the house church around 4, and spent time worshipping outside on woven mats, singing and listening to testimonies. By now, Jess and I know a couple of songs in Tamil, so we joined them in singing those, as well as a few in English. Between Thilini’s Sinhala, our English and everyone else’s Tamil, we were worshipping in 3 different languages! Glimpses of heaven, baby. Just sayin’.

House church in the North

Now we’re on our several-hour trek (and not the good kind with Vulcans and spaceships) back to the hotel. I definitely have a headache, this bus is cramped, and I have sand inside my jeans. Sand inside my jeans. Don’t ask me how that happened, I’ve been trying to figure it out for at least an hour. I want to do is sleep, but I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen till we get back to the hotel.

Later…

So, maybe today was the best and the hardest day of the trip so far. That bus ride home was brutal on everyone after such a long day, and when we got back to town we stopped in at one of the pastors’ houses for dinner – nevermind that it was after 11pm. These Sri Lankans are funny about their meals sometimes. When we finally got back we had to have a team talk about attitudes and stuff like that... just an exhausting day all around. Church tomorrow at 7:45! Here we go!

Day 24

Today was our last day in Colombo with the teenage girls (a home located at the church where KS houses abused and abandoned girls) and it has been really cool. The first day was kind of awkward ‘cause we didn’t really know what to do with them, but by the end of the day we had broken down some of the initial barriers of language and culture (Madumali translated for us), and started the process of getting to know them. Yesterday we brought my laptop and taught them part of our Bollywood dance routine from Mock Rock (imagine 3 white girls teaching a bunch of Sri Lankans how to do an Indian style of dance. Pretty ridiculous.) followed by a huge dance party. It was really fun and helped break down a few more barriers. Today we took it to a more serious note, and had Michelle share her testimony with the girls, followed by a short study and activity on identity.

I can’t believe we’re coming up on our fourth week here… before we know it, we’ll be heading home. I hope that this will be an experience that changes me and continues to challenge the way that I think. As one of our guest speakers told our team before we left, missions is not an event, it’s a narrative. I don’t want this trip to be something I look back on as just a cool experience, but I want it to influence the rest of my life as it bleeds seamlessly into my story. For as much as we talk about missions here, I still don’t feel like I have a good solid theology on it. Even thinking about going home can be a little intimidating sometimes, because I don’t know if I’ll be able to articulate all the things I’ve learned.

Please pray…

- That the teenage girls would be able to find their full identity in Christ, and would not return to their old pattern of living. Unfortunately, many leave the home and return to very abusive living situations because they don’t think they deserve anything better.

- That God would solidify these memories and lessons that I am learning in a way that affects my decisions, character, and walk with the Lord.

Day 23

Traveling to the East this weekend was one of my highlights of the trip so far. It is a dryer, hotter climate, and since they speak Tamil rather than Sinhala, we had to start over in our language learning endeavors. I am proud to say that I can now say "my name is", "what is your name?", "thank you" and "how are you" in 3 languages. 5 if you count German and ASL. A huge cultural difference, like I mentioned before, is the more extreme dominance of men, and consequently, poor treatment of women. The hardest part was probably just being exhausted all weekend, since I think we were running on like 6 hours total, but Pastor C. and his family took really good care of us. Sri Lankan culture is incredibly hospitable.

Pastor's home

We got to attend a fasting and prayer meeting directly after breakfast and immediately followed by lunch - that's my kind of fasting - and then took us to the beach! I jokingly asked if we could go out on one of their fishing kayaks, but they took me seriously and found us a boat to take us out on the river. Can't say I'm sorry, 'cause it was awesome.

The beach with brown sugar colored sand

A fishing kayak 

A piece of the Catholic cathedral that fell during the tsunami in 2004

We spent Saturday night at house churches, and then attended the Sunday morning service which is made up of all the house churches combined - about 75 people in all.

Pastor C. asked Ji and I to each share a message on reconciliation for the house meetings because of the way the cast system affects those in the church - not to mention the division amongst the Sinhalese and the Tamils who just ended a 30-year long civil war. Who am I to speak into such an issue, you ask? Great question. Luckily, wiser men have already written about it in scripture, so all I had to do was teach their words. Ok, God's words. It was a really cool, stretching experience, 'cause I've never prepared a message like that before. Jess and I also got to sing some Tamil and some English songs at church.
I think my favorite part of the trip was playing with the kids from the church on Sunday afternoon. I definitely didn't want to leave.

Day 21

Things I wish I had:

a guitar pick
scratch paper
an alarm clock
gum

So it turns out that Tamil culture is even more male-dominated than the West… The hardest thing to get used to is that it is disrespectful for a woman to cross her legs in the presence of a man, especially in church. I definitely failed many times with that one.

Got to spend some time today talking to Pastor C., the pastor who leads the church plant and house churches in this area. He has faced a lot of violence and persecution for his faith, but he has a vision to reach the Hindus, Muslims and Buddhists in this town.

Church building

Please pray:
- For Pastor C.’s vision that 10 people from each village across the lagoon would come to know the --Lord (there are 600 villages)
- For perseverance and faith amidst the heavy persecution of the Christian church
- For the completion of their church building

Day 20

Just arrived to the East coast of Sri Lanka after a 10 hour train ride through the night. I didn’t really sleep, but we had some great conversation and our translators taught Jess and I a couple songs in Tamil (the language they speak in the East). Sri Lanka is made up of two people groups, the Sinhalese and the Tamils, and amazingly, they speak completely different languages. We have spent all of our time on the Sinhalese side of the country thus far, and this weekend a few of us get to experience Tamil culture…  so exciting! 

The train, taken at 4:45am on Saturday... :/

“This Is The Day” in Tamil:

Ennaleyeh, ennaleyeh
Carrterr pa dei tall, carr terr pa dei tall
Kalli kurru wom, kalli kurru wom
Mahil kon da du wom, mahil kon da du wom

Ennaleyeh carrterr pa dei tall
Kalli kurru wom, mahil kon da du wom

Ennaleyeh, ennaleyeh
Carrterr pa dei tall

Day 17

We have been at the farm almost two weeks now, and surprisingly, it has started to become my new comfort zone. Of course some things are still difficult, but the few comforts that we do have, like air conditioning in our rooms and showers, are enough.

It’s going to be really difficult to leave these kids in 3 and a half weeks. Tonight after prayer, Timashi (one of the troublemaker twins in the girls’ home) held on to me and wouldn’t let me go, even as I was trying to hug and kiss the other girls goodnight. It’s not that she or any of the other kids are especially attached to me, but that they yearn for love and affection so much that they soak it up whenever it is offered. It tears at my heart and makes me want to stay forever. I want to watch them grow and develop into young women who are confident and compassionate towards others. I want to help them discover the unconditional love of their heavenly Father. So yes, it is going to be hard to leave.

Timashi and I

Day 15

Well, I'm pretty proud of myself. I've been using the bidet for over a week now (if you don't know what a bidet is, go look it up somewhere, or maybe ask your mom). The nicer places have the option of toilet paper, but many don't, so at least I know I can survive most bathrooms. Sometimes it can be really confusing though, like when all there is is a bucket of water next to the toilet... seriously, what am I supposed to do with that? Luckily, I enjoy this kind of thing. It's all an adventure.
Time for a confession: I'm starting to get tired of eating rice and rice products. It's to the point where I just don't have an appetite at most meals because rice and curry can pretty much always be expected. Don't get me wrong, rice and curry is delicious... but three times a day can be a little overwhelming. 
We eat with our hands here... just with our right hand, actually, and licking your fingers is considered rude. That's been one of the hardest habits to break. It's been fun to learn the technique of eating this way (yes, there is a technique), and the Sri Lankans like to watch us try. They get a good laugh out of us.

A typical lunch at the farm... yeah, what was I complaining about again? 

We wash our own dishes here at the farm, and try to help with cleaning up as much as possible, but the kitchen staff doesn't let us do much. Amazingly, none of us has gotten a tick or lice yet, even though the dogs have ticks around their eyes, and many of the children have lice. Those are two fears that I have yet to conquer...

The kitchen and dining hall

 Taking a tour of the farm

I have no roommate at the moment, which is kind of nice, honestly. Whenever Thilini or the other Sri Lankan girls are here they are my roommates, and that's great, but I love having time alone too. I think Pastor A. was right in saying that I am more of a melancholy personality. I didn't quite believe him at first, but I definitely do now. No roommates means I can have a clean room, and no one with laugh at me when I re-pack my bags every few days. That's normal, right?

I've been thinking about this idea of "mission trips", and what qualifies as one. Yes, we are here to help, and to love on people and share the hope of the Gospel, but isn't that what all of life is? I'm just living for Christ in another country temporarily, that's all. So, in that case, is a "mission trip" just the act of making people's lives better by pretending that we have all the answers? If so, I don't think we are doing a good job of stewarding Christ's love. If it is a trip where you are giving and receiving, and allowing your own worldview to be expanded as you are also willing to serve, then maybe "mission trip" is a misleading term. We are not here to accomplish a mission, we are here to meet brothers and sisters, aunties and uncles with whom we will share eternity, and to join with them in the great commission. We are here to learn and pour into each other, even to develop lifetime partnerships that seek God's kingdom. If short term "mission trips" are for the purpose of accomplishing a task only, then I'm not sure I believe in them. 
See, the power of the Church is not in her money or her resources. The power of the Church is not even in her identity (a tricky statement that I am cautious to make because true identity as it is found in Christ is powerful. However, it is far too easy to distort that into thinking that we are God's gift to the world, when God's gift to the world is Himself). The power of the Church is Jesus Christ, and while he has gifted many in America with finances and material resources - and yes, those things are blessings - he has gifted the Church in Sri Lanka with faith, and the Church in Haiti with perseverance, and the Church in South Korea with prayer. We were not meant to operate alone, or to compare ourselves with one another, or to drop off a good deed and then continue to live within our comfort zone. The analogy of the church as a body applies on an international scale as well, and maybe more humility towards the third world and developing Churches is what we need. I hope this doesn't sound harsh... I'm just thinking out loud. Anyway, it's laundry time... bathroom sink, here I come!

Apparently, we chose the rainiest day of the trip to do our laundry. Literally ten minutes after hanging our clothes on the barbed wire, it started pouring. Thinking the damage had already been done, we decided to just leave it on the line and wait for the rain to stop. It did, but before the clothes had gotten a good head start on drying, it poured again. and again. by the third time, we saw we were in a losing battle and needed to change our tactics. Pretty funny. Its actually really nice to have a change of weather though. Still humid, but not as hot.

Day 14

We experienced our first pentecostal-style prayer meeting last night. After Roddy shared his testimony, Pastor A. called anyone who needed prayer for emotional healing to stand, and then asked if I would lead a song while he prayed. Well, what I didn't know was that one song really meant ten, and what we thought was the end of the evening session was really just the beginning... it was a really powerful, stretching experience for all of us. As people began to cry, and Pastor A. began to pray over individuals in the crowd, the team also got to participate in praying and holding people. I say that it was a stretching experience for us because most of us aren't used to having people speak in tongues or fall over during prayer, but at the same time, it never seemed out of control. If anything, it provided us some good theological food for thought, and gave me some confidence in my ability to lead an hour's worth of songs on the spot (without having a small anxiety attack). Actually, let me re-phrase that. It gave me confidence in the Holy Spirit's ability to lead me in an hour's worth of songs on the spot. Speaking of adaptability, that has been one thing that has been easier for me than I expected. We rarely know what is going to happen on any given day until we are doing it, and though that drives some people crazy, I don't really mind. Anyway, those are all my thoughts for now. Perhaps more on the Holy Spirit thing later.

Day 13

It's a shame that the small moments in life get forgotten. I know it would be a pain, but sometimes I wish I could remember every moment and emotion of my life. Those moments are so important because they are the building blocks of who I am, and no one may ever know about them. I even lose track of them as the present distances itself from the past. I'm sure I'd be ashamed to recall many of my thoughts and actions, but some times I just feel like Tavia is lost, and maybe re-visiting my life would help me remember what has made me who I am today. Life is beautiful in how complex it is, and it often gets over-simplified when we tell it in history. Only the huge events get passed on. I hope in heaven we'll be able to watch entire stories, each one special because it is seen in the context of Jesus and eternity.

Day 12

Well, Tuesday was "conflict day", or maybe better titled, "conflict reconciliation day". As a group we had to acknowledge that there were some tensions developing, and ones that needed to be addressed. We all prayed together and then broke for some individual prayer and contemplation, for the purpose of searching our own hearts and identifying our own insecurities before approaching anyone with theirs. You can read the result of some of my introspection in the previous post. After that time, we gave everyone the freedom to approach people individually (or with a mediator if necessary) in order to talk through any issues. It was a really good, though emotionally exhausting day, and our team came out more unified than it had been before.

The youth leadership camp starts today at 7pm. I think I'm leading worship with Thilini, but I have no idea what we're singing yet. The team has been planning leadership games and team building activities, and Roddy, Hillary and Aaron are leading a session on personalities after dinner tonight (good ol' psych majors). It's going to be crazy having 50 15-24 year olds running around the farm speaking a different language than us. At least they are all Christians, so we have one thing in common! This sort of thing kind of overwhelms me, but luckily we have people like Stephanie on our team who seem to thrive on it.

- Later -

Looks like the camp is actually going to be really fun! the language barrier is difficult, but it just makes you work harder in conversation. It love learning phrases in Sinhala, and sometimes making a fool of myself in the process. I also love the two girls who are staying with us this week, Dilini and Madumali. They are getting really good at translating, and we are quickly becoming friends. My favorite thing that they do is this head bobble that, to them, means "good" or "ok". We do something similar when we say "I don't care" or "I don't know", which sometimes makes things confusing. I also love the way they pronounce English words. The boys have been taking advantage of every opportunity to teach them their favorite phrases such as, "like a boss"... it's pretty funny.

The bugs are probably my biggest discomfort here. For instance, the mosquito that keeps playing hide and go seek around my bed as I write this. I am very grateful for air conditioning... the first room had a fan but no air, and this room has air but no fan. I'm not complaining. Well, we have to get up at 6 tomorrow morning, so it's time for some sleep.

Day 9

Conflict Day.

I definitely want people to like me. I seem to believe deep down that the opinions of others is what shapes and defines a person. I guess if God didn't exist, I could probably make a pretty good case that that is true. But I also believe that Yahweh is the biggest and truest reality of all, and so, His thoughts and opinions must trump all of the others. If every person that ever existed (including myself) hated me and said I was a disappointment, and yet God accepted me, I would have to believe that His judgment is the true one. All the billions of other judgments would simply be lies from the devil. Any opinion that conflicts with Gods is false, no questions asked. Really, it is simply God against the absence of God. God against Satan and his lies. It's a one on one match that Jesus has already won... and He's on my side. Pretty sweet, if I do say so myself.
Lord, would you be glorified today more than yesterday, and tomorrow more than today. May we be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

Day 8

Well yesterday was exhausting, but mostly filled with good things. One thing that stuck with me was this: leaders in the church and in ministry don't spend enough time with the Lord. That is definitely true of me.

We keep joking about how this doesn't feel like a "mission trip". I mean, as far as suffering goes, we haven't done all that much. They have served us way more than we have served them. Their hope is that from this experience in Sri Lanka, our future ministry will be equipped to flourish in a much greater capacity than before we came. They hope that out of these trips, partnerships will be developed - not the kind where one partner provides the funds and another the vision, but the kind where people are shared, and where ministry together is long-term. The kind where visions and goals are ones that span a lifetime, rather than partnership for the purpose of accomplishing a temporary goal.

It is interesting how you can adapt and become accustomed to things like bugs and dirt, and sticky skin. All of those things describe daily life here in Sri Lanka, but because it is normal here, we don't feel the need to complain the way we would in America. I mean, back home, if there were 10 flies in the room as we were eating dinner, no one would be able to concentrate... but here, it's just the way things are. Expectations have a crazy amount of power. They can change your entire experience of life.

Day 6

Today we had our first tropical rain, which was surprisingly cold... and wet. It's probably the first time I've felt cold since being here. For some reason, it was still as unpleasant as if I hadn't been sweating for the last four days straight. 

I felt like it was a little easier to relate to the kids today. Not as awkward as I felt yesterday at least. Once you start to realize that neither of you understand the language of the other, you begin to find other was to communicate instead. I hung out with one of the little girls from the widow's home who was really quiet. I couldn't remember her name, but it reminded me of Nemo, so that's what I called her. She wouldn't talk, but eventually, as she was swinging she started humming, and then laughing when she heard me humming along with her. Within the hour she was all smiles and giggles. It was too cute. I snapped this picture to capture the moment.

Day 5

I got eaten by fire ants and ate an entire fish (bones and all) today. The fish was delicious... the fire ants, not so much.

When we first arrived here, my first impression was how much it looked like Haiti. Yet something was different. The atmosphere was not as heavy and the spirit of the place was not as dark. there was not the same hopelessness in the eyes of the people, and the anxiety that I felt in Haiti was not there. Maybe it had to do with the fact that in Haiti, Voodoo is the main religion, whereas in Sri Lanka, it is Buddhism - a much more passive religion. Voodoo is so dark, even demonic, it's crazy. I felt a lot of emotions and memories from Haiti arise on that first bus ride through Colombo, and it was really good to process through them more.

I guess at the beginning of a trip, it's natural to be on the more idealistic side. Yesterday, when Pastor A. was talking to us in his office, I felt like perhaps this is the reason why I haven't had clear direction in my future plans - so that I could be totally open to serving anywhere. Not necessarily in Sri Lanka, but maybe in a place outside of the U.S. Who knows, but it was a fun thought until the fire ants came out.

Day 4

For some reason, I have this idea that on mission trips you are supposed to be "on" all the time. For instance, I just woke up and was worried that I wouldn't be rested enough to be energized and excited for the day... but I think my motivation for being energized was to impress Thilini's parents (Pastor A. and Auntie Ophelia), my team, and the kids when we meet them later tonight. Interesting. Of course, excitement is good, but not when it's coming from a heart that just wants to impress people.

Last night we stayed at a hotel in Colombo and even went for a swim before getting some sleep! So nice. Now we're headed to Thilini's house for breakfast. After that, to the farm!

Day 3

Arrived safely into the Colombo airport, and found the humidity (if possible) even thicker than in Haiti. The only really eventful thing that happened during our arrival was that Lindsey found out she had a typo on her visa application, and had to buy a new one before she could get through customs. Trip crisis #1: check.

Day 2

Same plane, same flight. Couldn't sleep all night, but I have a surprising amount of energy. I wonder if I'll be one of the only ones with energy as we get off the plane...

I really can't believe this is it. All that preparation for these moments, starting now. It's so weird how I'm not freaking out. I feel like everything is just going to come as it may, and we will take it in stride. It's all grace... I'm not worried, just at ease. There's a very good chance I won't feel this way for too long, and I'm sure we will all have to take turns carrying each other as we go through the ups and downs of this trip, but God's grace is sufficient for us. It may be harder for me to be weak than to be strong actually... I'm much more comfortable being the one who carries everyone else. Well, 1 hour and 22 minutes to London, and breakfast is served!


 - Later -


So I was wrong about me being the only one with a positive attitude and energy. I'm probably one of the more tired and quiet of the bunch now that we've boarded our second flight. I don't even know what time it is anymore, all I know that it is dark, I'm sleepy, and a man is snoring like thunder nearby. This plane is full of Sri Lankans, and it's beginning to hit me that I am entering a whole new world. But  Sri Lanka is God's, just as I am God's, and He is constant, no matter what around me changes.

Day 1

We did it.

A few months ago, I'm sure we had doubts about whether or not we would actually make it to this flight, and yet here we are. It's such a cool feeling to have poured so much time, energy, frustration, and anticipation into a trip and then to sit back and watch as it slowly unfolds. Honestly, I don't feel a lot of emotion about the things to come... right now, I'm just focused on our team and on getting us there. Normally I might muse about how that is probably my main defense mechanism firing on all cylinders, but in this case, I think maybe it is a good thing. We are just a bunch of college-aged misfits trying to find our way around the globe, after all. One piece of advice I received about leading mission trip is that, as a leader, my responsibility is first to my team, then to the people we will meet in Sri Lanka, and then to my own experience. I may not always be able to dive head first into the emotions of the moment, and I'll probably have to give up some time with those we are serving in order to take care of my team and enable them to have an effective ministry. And that's ok. I am honored to lead this group.

Sri Lanka 2012... Day 0

Since I won't have internet for the majority of the time in Sri Lanka, I've decided to journal at least a short update every day or two, and then post them here when I get the chance. Hopefully this will give you a glimpse into my mind as I travel through each day, and help me trace some of what God is teaching me during this trip. I'd be honored if you would take this journey with me!

To give you a better picture of where I will be, here is the itinerary and schedule. Enjoy!

June 18-19         Depart from LA, Travel
June 20             Arrive in Colombo, Sri Lanka
June 21-23        Travel to Children's Home (a.k.a. "The Farm")
June 24             KS Church
June 25-July 3   Children's Home
July 4                SCM High School Ministry
July 5                Rest day
July 6-8            Visit church plants
July 9-12           Children's Home
July 13-14         Travel up North
July 15-19         Children's Home
July 20-22        Travel to Tea Country
July 23-24        Children's Home
July 25             Colombo
July 26-27        Trip down South
July 28             Depart from Colombo